


On the Bench

by TWCooper



Series: Band of Gold [1]
Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Fluff and Angst, Future Fic, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Minor Character Death, Soft Ben, Wakes & Funerals, Wedding Rings, ballum - Freeform, deep talks while looking at the sky
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-08
Updated: 2019-10-08
Packaged: 2020-11-29 03:01:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,669
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20955650
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TWCooper/pseuds/TWCooper
Summary: “He would have liked your Callum,” said Pam. “And he would have been proud. How you helped coax him out of himself like you did."*At Les's funeral, Pam and Ben talk about the men they have loved, and the men they have lost.





	On the Bench

It was a lovely service. Of course it was. It was an undertaker’s funeral. They'd filled the Vic with flowers, just like at… the last undertaker's funeral Ben had been to. Their scent wove through the pub, swamping out the stale beer and sweat.

A warm body leaned against Ben’s back, hands gently holding his hips while a pair of lips pressed into his hair.

"You need some air," Callum said. He always had a way of seeing straight through Ben, down to the heart of the matter. "Go outside. I'll cover for you in here.”

Ben gave his boyfriend's hand a quick squeeze before slipping away, out into the street. He breathed in deep to blast the smell of lilies out of his nose, only to replace it with cigarette smoke from the other end of the street. Needing actual fresh air, Ben stepped away and walked over to the courtyard in the middle of the Square.

A familiar blonde bob poked up over the back of the bench, turning this-way-and-that as its owner watched the world go by. Seemed he wasn’t the only one who couldn’t handle the wake.

“Room for a little one?” he asked.

Pam shunted over on the bench, patting the space next to her. “For you? Always.”

Ben joined her, leaning back in the seat to look up at the sky above them. In the movies it always rained at funerals. At least the weather had the decency to be nice today. The Universe owed Les that.

"I've missed this bench," said Pam. "The rest of Albert Square, all the arguments, the fighting the never-ending drama, that I'm happy to see the back of. But this bench right here, I miss. We used to come here and talk whenever we had a fight."

Ben had a fair few memories of his own in this little place. Some good. Some bad. Some just moments he hadn't even noticed slipping away until they'd run out.

“Me and Paul used to meet here sometimes, in the days when we were still sneaking around," he said. "Pretend we were just mates having a chat when we were both desperate to...”

He suddenly remembered he was talking about the woman's grandson but Pam just chuckled.

"I'm glad you remember him like that. The good things. How he was when he was alive.”

_And not how he died,_ Ben added in his head. _Not how you got him killed._

“He would have liked your Callum,” said Pam. “And he would have been proud. How you helped coax him out of himself like you did."

“You mean how I was Callum's gay sherpa out of the Himilayas of denial like Paul was for me?” said Ben. “Can you imagine? He'd never let it go. Keep asking if I was trying to copy his style and if I was going to start curling my hair next."

Pam laughed. A proper, genuine laugh as the sorrow fell away, if only for a moment.

"I miss that sense of humour too. You always were an annoying git, but I won't deny you're a funny git too.”

Ben spread his arms wide and put on his best sales-man voice. “For you Pam, the Ben Mitchell One-liner Emporium is always open for business."

Pam elbowed him, before they fell back into an easy silence. Both left the other to their thoughts, until Pam reached over and began rummaging in her bag.

"I'm glad I got you alone," she said, pulling something out. "I wanted you to have this."

She handed him a black velvet ring box. Inside was an old gold wedding ring.

“I’m flattered Pam, but you’re not really my type," said Ben.

“Oh shush,” she said. “This was Les’s wedding ring. He wore that for 40-odd years. It saw us through a lot of tough times. Lot of good times too. And I want you to have it.”

Ben looked down at the ring. Years of use had dulled its shine and left several dings around the band.

“Pam I can’t take this."

“Yes you can and you will,” she said, pushing it back towards him. “If Paul was still around, I’d be giving it to him. Telling him to make an honest man of you. But he’s _not_ here anymore, so I’m giving it to you.”

Ben ran his finger over the metal. Such a simple thing, but worth so much more than the gold it was made from.

"Thank you Pam. But I should say I'm not really sure me and Callum are there yet. The marriage thing. I'm not sure we'll ever be."

_If _I'll _ever be_.

“Course you're not," Pam said matter-of-factly. "You’re 24. No man’s the marrying kind at 24. But one day several years down the line that might change and if it does I want you to have this. Whether you're asking Callum or some other fella, whether you use this ring or not, the fact that you have it should at least remind you to give me a call to invite me to the wedding."

Emotion rose up in Ben, feelings he wasn't really equipped to deal with at the best of times, let alone today. He was still trying to get the hang of people actually caring about him. 

“You know, I always wondered how Les landed a fox like you?” Ben said, trying to deflect away before he had to feel something.

"I'll have you know Les was quite the catch back in the day," she said. "Paul didn't get those looks out of thin air you know. And he was such a charmer too. Took me dancing, bought me flowers, picnics in the park. But in the end it was the little things that made me fall in love with him. I have this clear memory of sitting round my parents’ house, watching the cricket and him bringing me a cup of tea. I just remember thinking that if every day of my life was like this one, I would be a very happy woman.”

An image of Les rose up in Ben's mind, putting a tray of mugs down on the coffee table in the flat while Pam sat in her arm chair and he laid curled up against Paul on the sofa watching whatever inane thing was on the telly that night. It was those moments that Ben would do anything to get back. Or he would have done, before Callum came into his life.

"I miss him Pam," he said. Both of them knew he wasn't talking about Les anymore. "You know that'll never change. Whoever I'm with, wherever I am, I’ll miss him."

"Me too Ben. Both of them. But they'd want us to keep on keeping on. I've done more than my fair share of grieving Ben, and if there's one thing I’ve learned, it's that the best way to remember those that have left us it's to carry on living your life like they would have wanted you too."

Ben gripped the ring box tightly in his hand before he enveloped Pam in a bear hug. The two of them clung to each other remembering the men they both had lost, letting their shared grief wash over them.

*

** _Several years down the line_ **

“Dad, we’re going to miss the start!” Lexi whined.

“I’m looking, alright,” Ben shouted back.

When did they start making TVs without buttons? Back in the day, if the remote's batteries went flat you threw a cushion at the youngest family member, aka: Ben, and made them change channels. Now they died and you ended up frantically searching the flat to find where you put the spares.

“Try holding the batteries in your hand to warm them up,” said Ben, as he dug through the Random Stuff drawer. There were always batteries in the Random Stuff drawer. That’s where they bred.

“How is that supposed to help?” Lexi called through from the next room.

“I dunno, it just works sometimes. Maybe it makes the electricity runny.”

“_Maybe it makes the electricity runny?_” Lexi shot back. His darling little girl was transforming into a right little madam these days.

“Oi,” came Callum’s voice from the kitchen. “Less of that cheek you.”

“Yes, _Dad_.”

The last word was dripping with sarcasm, but it still made Ben’s heart go warm for a moment whenever Lexi called Cal that. Or Jay for that matter.

His hand scraped at the back of the drawer, brushing against something fuzzy – a velvet ring box. It was Les's old wedding ring, the one Pam had given him all those years ago. It must have been shoved in the drawer back when he'd moved into the flat with Callum.

The sound of the BBC announcer blared through the flat.

“Oh my god, it actually worked,” said Lexi.

Ben snapped the box shut and dropped it back in the drawer, making a mental note to find a better place for it later.

“Told you,” said Ben as he walked back into the sitting room. “Makes the electricity runny.”

He shooed Lexi up on the sofa as the Strictly Come Dancing theme began to play.

“Caaal,” Lexi moaned. “It’s starting.”

“I’m coming, I’m coming,” Callum said hurrying over, managing to balance all three dinner plates at once. He passed Lexi hers before slumping down into the sofa. “Here you go babe.”

Ben turned towards Callum to grab his own when Callum’s smile stopped him in his tracks. He sat there for a moment, taking it in and ignoring the sharp jabs of his daughter's limbs on his other side as she danced along to the theme.

“Have I got something on my face?” Callum said after a moment.

“Hmm?” said Ben, then realised he’d been staring. He shook his head and took the plate. “Sorry, just had a thought.”

“Don’t hurt yourself,” said Callum, making Lexi snort and Ben kick him in the ankle.

“Remembered I need to call Pam about something is all.”

**Author's Note:**

> I'm planning on doing a couple of these, featuring various milestones in Callum and Ben's future relationship.


End file.
